If Severus Snape Could Fly
by DJ Verits
Summary: A story that seems to keep going and going no matter what happens to me! BWA HA HA! Snape is mine to control!
1. If Severus Snape Could Fly

If Severus Snape Could Fly...  
  
By DJ Verits  
  
One day Severus Snape was walking along the corridors when he decided to be productive and invent something.  
  
"Maybe a flying potion?" He wondered aloud.  
  
So Snape ran into the dungeons to prepare the ingredients he'd try.  
  
"OK so, a potion to fly...I'll need to combine a lightweight potion with a steadying potion."  
  
(used when you're really sick or drunk to steady yourself. But in this case to make it easier to fly)  
  
"And...What else? Maybe some boomslang skin just to spice it up! Oooh! And some mint! Taste is important!"  
  
So Snape got all the ingredients into a big pot and cooked up a potion! It had to simmer  
  
For a week though so we'll have to go forward into time...  
  
* * *A Week Later* * *  
  
"My potion is ready!" Snape yelled happily as he got a big spoon and started to try it.  
  
"Wait! I'd better try it on something first!" he picked up the nearest living thing (which happened  
  
To be Trevor the Toad) and poured some down it's throat. Trevor licked his lips and then began to float upwards.  
  
"It works! Yipee!" Snape then ate some himself.  
  
"Yum! Glad I added that extra mint flavour!" He started to drift upwards. He tried going a little  
  
Higher. Then a little lower, then forward. Then he flew out of his dungeon and up to the Great Hall.  
  
"Look Dumbledore! I'm flying! Yeah! I have achieved my ultimate goal! Whee!"  
  
Dumbledore looked up from his lunch and smiled at Snape.  
  
"I guess he'll finally be a happier teacher now! Neville won't have to be afraid anymore!"  
  
"I'll never have to teach bratty kids any more! Yay!" Snape yelled, while circling the enchanted ceiling.  
  
"What about us?" One of the Slytherins yelled upwards.  
  
"Who cares about you? Hah! Ha Ha Ha!! Cya! wheeeeeee"  
  
  
  
THE  
  
N  
  
D 


	2. Snapes Adventures

Snape's Adventures!  
  
By DJ Verits  
  
This is the sequel to If Snape could Fly! plz R/R  
  
About an hour after Snape had left Hogwarts he realized that he needed to get some more potion so it wouldn't wear off and make him go 'SPLAT!' So he flew back to Hogwarts double time!  
  
He reached Hogwarts and quickly and silently flew to his dungeon grabbed a magical bottle and put the flying potion into it. The magic bottle could hold any amount of any substance except Veritaserum or love potion witch gave it a weird bumpy feeling before shattering. Snape flew out of Hogwarts and flew back to his place double time! He was there in 15 minutes.  
  
"Hey I'm getting pretty- Uh oh! A giant muggle bird!" A plane was coming right towards Snape! He swerved and caught onto the wing of the plane.  
  
"Maybe I should have paid more attention in Muggle Studies when I was in school!" Snape yelled to no one.  
  
The people in the plane started to notice the oddly dressed man holding onto the wing of a plane and started getting frantic.  
  
A woman inside turned to her young son and said, "that's what happens when you don't eat your veggies Michael!"  
  
Snape was starting to slip. The wings weren't exactly flying-potions- master friendly. He mumbled under his breath, "sticura mesa" and he immediately had a better grip on the wing. He climbed onto the top of the wing and edged closer to the body of the plane. A girl watching him mouthed to him, "what are you doing?" Of course he paid no attention to her because there were bugs in his teeth.  
  
"Uh oh...geese...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" A bunch of geese flew towards Snape.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" They didn't do anything to him but he has a strange fear of geese.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"  
  
Snape swatted at them fiercely and so much that it made the sticura mesa spell wear off!  
  
  
  
UPDATED: September 16th 2001  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any HP characters. I don't own the geese or the plane! SO don't sue me! 


	3. Into The Plane

Snape's Adventures Part 3  
  
Into the Plane  
  
The spell having worn off, made Snape begin to fall to his doom! But thankfully  
  
for him the flying potion hadn't. Snape flew up from under the wing and grabbed onto the  
  
other side of the wing! Cheers resided from inside the plane and the passengers clapped at his brave feat! He whispered 'sticura mesa' and again he stuck to the wing of the plane. He knew he wasn't supposed to use magic in front of muggles, but this was a life or death situation!  
  
All the geese were gone now so he wasn't scared. He went up to the body of the plane and climbed on top of it. It was a bit windy but if he ducked down than the air smoothly flew over him. He wondered where this muggle plane was going? Snape altered the spell to make it last until he said the undo spell and he made a small bubble around him so he could move around freely and not worry about radar. (Which he didn't know about but the spell covered anyway)  
  
* * *HOURS AND HOURS LATER* * *  
  
Hours and hours later they plane started to descend and Snape woke up from his dream of flying again to horrible pain in his ears.  
  
"Oooooooooowww! What is happening to me?? It feels worse than drinking some horrible potion made by Longbottom!" The plane finally landed and the pain eased. He was in California!  
  
"It's so HOT here!" He shouted as he undid the Sticura spell and opened the bubble, took  
  
a sip of his flying potion and flew off the plane and high into the sky. He made his cloak  
  
disappear (he still has his Robes people!) and that cooled him off considerably cooler. He saw a beach below and decided to cool down, down there! He flew down fast as he could to avoid people seeing him and going to the police and getting him in trouble with the ministry.  
  
He went towards the water once he landed to go wash the grease out of his hair, it was making him hot.  
  
  
  
~~~~~  
  
UPDATED: September 16th, 2001  
  
D/C: HP and Snape belongs to Ms. Rowling, sticura mesa belongs to me! California belongs to the USA and Snape's  
  
Robes belong to...well...him... 


	4. Snape In California

Snape in California!  
  
A/N: Well I don't know all that much about California or anyplace in the States really, (I AM CANADIAN so I don't learn that stuff) so I'll just make up some stuff and please don't flame me for making mistakes!  
  
  
  
With his hair cooled off Snape was much happier. He took his hair out of the water and shook around like a dog. He walked out of the beach area (I guess Californians see weird stuff everyday!) And thought as he entered the city, "I don't think I'm in England anymore."  
  
There was a really big hill as he turned away from the beach and it had something on it. (Can you guess where he is?) Snape squinted at the big shapes on the hill and saw that they said....Hollywood!  
  
Now Snape, being very un-muggleish didn't know a single little thing about Hollywood. He did know his geography though and Hollywood was Inot/I in England and *NOWHERE* near Hogwarts. This was good thing though, Snape needed a holiday away from all the screaming kids at the school but he didn't really want to take it at a Muggle resort!  
  
Snape began to walk down a big hill (with a sidewalk) to a giant building that had many people gathered around it. "A muggle attraction," Snape said with a sneer, "maybe I should check it out..." So Snape walked across the street and into the crowed of people. He accidentally bumped into someone.  
  
"HEYYYYYYY!!! What are you doing yo- Severus?Severus Snape?" It was a lady about Snape's age that had obviously known him at some point.  
  
"Ronnie?" Snape asked.  
  
"Yes, it's me!" The lady-that-knew-Snape-at-some-point-named-Ronnie Squealed with delight. Snape broke into big smiles and hugged her lovingly.  
  
"It's been so long! Want to have some coffee and catch up on the times?" Ronnie asked.  
  
"S-sure Ronnie," Snape stuttered. They walked away from the crowd and went to the coffee shop two stores down from the crowded place.  
  
Now, since Ronnie and Snape know what's going on, I think my readers should as well! When Snape was going to Hogwarts he was a little different than we know him. Even though I know there are Snape worshipers out and about, I'll just put this in the perspective that Snape is a mean old teacher. Well, Snape was in his 5th year and he was in a detention with the potions master at that time, he had to clean out the jars that suspended those nasty things that are in Snape's office now.  
  
He had done something very very very bad. He had also got 50 points taken from Slytherin. Getting to the point he was finished cleaning *EVERY SINGLE* jar in the potions masters classroom and he was going to go to the Slytherin common room washroom to clean up when he bumped into a beautiful girl from Ravenclaw. Ronnie. Veronica actually. Snape was covered in slime and other indistinguishable nasty stuff and Ronnie was in nice and clean robes and looked as if she was coming in from the greenhouses. But she hadn't a speck of dirt on herself. Snape was on the floor gaping at the girl across from him when he realized that it would be gentlemanly to offer to help her up.  
  
"Uh- uh...would you...um" He started, then he just stuck his hand out for her to grab. She grabbed it quite thankfully but Snape wasn't quite ready and was pulled down onto her.  
  
"Ouch," she said. "Ah!! I'm sooooooooo sorry! I didn't mean...I...sorry can I-umm..." Snape wasn't sure what to do, he wasn't used to this kind of situation.  
  
But Ronnie didn't respond, she just sat and laughed her head off.  
  
"I-don't understand...what's so funny?"  
  
Snape had asked. "Just HAHAHAHA just.. HAH! Nothing! Hey weren't you in my broomstick flying class in the first year?"  
  
"Yeah I think so actually, Veronica was-is your name? Correct me if I'm wrong."  
  
"Ronnie," She responded.  
  
They hung out together forever...or at least for a month then Snape had the guts to ask her out. (being so nice and generous and pretty He wasn't sure why she wasn't already going out. Oh well) She said yes than they went out until the beginning of their 7th year Ronnie was a transfer to Beaubaxtons and they eventually lost contact. Snape was heartbroken.  
  
Now! Back to the story!  
  
  
  
END FOR NOW  
  
~~~~  
  
UPDATED: September 16th, 2001 


	5. A Chat Over Coffee

Snape's Adventures Part 5 -A Chat Over Coffee  
  
  
  
"Ronnie, what was that muggle building you were crowded around when we bumped into each other?" Snape asked while he sipped a Mocha chino.  
  
"It's a theatre! There is going to be a play called 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' and they are taking auditions. I was going to try out for Helena, a muggle. It is a story based in a place called 'Otherworld' with faeries and such in it. I'm a big Shakespeare fan!" Ronnie explained, starry eyed.  
  
"Who's Shakespeare?" Snape asked. Being totally oblivious to the great playwright's fame, Snape would have sounded quite stupid.  
  
Ronnie laughed at him. "Severus! Don't tell me you don't know who William Shakespeare is!"  
  
Snape reddened, "Well, it may ring a bell..."  
  
"Shakespeare," Ronnie beamed, " is one of the few great wizards that posed as muggles AND were never caught! You should have learned this from Professor Binns! Will wrote great plays about things that went on long, long ago! Back, even before Binns was living!" Ronnie stopped and quieted down. "Shakespeare wrote some plays about the Famous Four. Over half over his plays aren't recorded in muggle history!"  
  
"Oh! You mean THAT William Shakespeare...Yep, I know that one," he lied.  
  
Ronnie playfully punched him in the arm, "Sure ya did!"  
  
"Well if you don't hurry, you'll miss the auditions Ronnie. Maybe I'll try out as well...who else is in the play?" Snape asked.  
  
"You? Have you ever acted? I think the only character you would fit is Lord Oberon. Anyways there isn't enough time to get there," Ronnie sighed sadly as she said the last part.  
  
"I'll try that part then!" Snape paused for a second then whispered, "Sid you forget, my dear Ronnie, that we are wizards? We have many options...The best easily being apparation."  
  
"Appar-oh, Severus I haven't learned to apparate!" Ronnie moaned.  
  
"Yes. You. Have." Snape stated.  
  
"What are you talking about?!"  
  
"Have you forgotten the end of our sixth year when were trying (although not really succeeding) to apparate? Well, I really should have listened to you about the fact you can't apparate inside the Hogwarts grounds. I still feel stupid about that. But we tried it over the summer and succeeded extremely well! BOTH of us! You just...well you really didn't agree well with the status of your stomach..." Snape glowed at the memory. Even though they were breaking the law it had been good times!  
  
Ronnie frowned, "that was not a very fun experience, Severus."  
  
"Face it, you know how. And it's like riding a bike, you'll never forget how!" Snape said.  
  
"A bike is a muggle object. How do you know anything about it?!" Ronnie asked, maybe trying to avoid the subject?  
  
"Picked it up from some muggle-borns," Snape said offhandedly. "We're gonna havta go soon. What time does it start?"  
  
"Quarter past 2," Ronnie sighed.  
  
"OK then we'll go now. We only have 5 minutes! Let's go. I noticed a secluded alley on the way in we'll apparate from there." Snape decided very un-snapeylike.  
  
So the two left the Starbucks to go to the alley to apparate into the theatre.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Will Snape get the part as the jealous Lord Oberon? Will Ronnie make it as Helena? Will Ronnie throw up on someone after they apparate into the theatre? Find out tomorrow hopefully! Please R&R with your suggestions and/or coments!  
  
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns Snape and the Famous Four and muggles etc. Shakespeare although dead, owns A Midsummer Night's Dream and Starbucks doesn't belong to me. But Ronnie does...and that would be all...  
  
UPDATED: September 16th, 2001 


	6. To The Theatre!

To the Theatre!  
  
Authors note: People! Please! I get hits on the stories but you aren't reveiwing them! Please please! I love reveiws! ^-^ They make my day! They make a bad day an AWESOME day! So c'mon peoples!  
  
~~~  
  
Ronnie and Snape got to the alley and found that it wasn't secluded at all! Giant rats were playing poker next to a big dumpster! OK not really...I just thought I'd add that in here! ^-^  
  
~~~  
  
Ronnie and Snape got to the alley and found that there was a wall instead of an alley!  
  
"Nice alley Snapey..." Ronnie commented sarcastically.  
  
"Ugh..." Snape ummm ughed, "maybe it was farther over.  
  
"Fine," Ronnie was slightly annoyed.  
  
The two walked down the road some more and came to a REAL existing alley! (A/N: OK well maybe it doesn't exist but in my world it does!=D)  
  
"I hate to say I told you so, but-" Snape started.  
  
"Then don't!" Ronnie grinned as she poked Snape in the ribs with her elbow.  
  
"Owweee!" Snape whined kiddingly. (a/n: is that a word? *shrugs*)  
  
"Oh shaddup!" Ronnie laughed.  
  
"No, you shut up!"  
  
"You shut up!"  
  
"No you shut up!"  
  
"No, honestly," Ronnie said with a WIDE grin on her face, "people are staring at us!"  
  
"Whoops...heee" (A/N: heh...See? Snape DOES need more vacation time. If this is scaring anyone else please tell me and I'll contact Dumbledore)  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
That's all for today! Or at least this hour! I leave you with the same questions as last time! What parts will they get? And blah blah etc. If anyone was wondering, the rat that won the poker game was that big, brown one next to the white guy with one eye.  
  
UPDATED: September 16th, 2001 


	7. Now We'll Apparate!

If Severus Snape Could Fly Part 7  
  
Now We'll Apparate  
  
Ronnie and Snape got to the alley...  
  
"Erm...Ronnie, have you ever seen the inside of this theatre?" Snape asked slowly.  
  
"No, er...why?" Ronnie answered.  
  
"Em it's just that it would make it easier to apparate inside. Y'know if we have the exact picture in our head," Snape explained.  
  
"Oh, I forgot about that," Ronnie sighed, "I guess that we'll just have to try and hope we don't end up in Japan!"  
  
"Hah. OK." (A/N: I have nothing against Japan at all! I simply used Japan cuz it's real far away from Hollywood! We'll leave Japan right here and not go back to it! OK?)  
  
The two hid behind a dumpster and held hands.  
  
"Now Ronnie just picture it in your mind and apparate on 3," Snape told her.  
  
"OK."  
  
"1...2...3!"  
  
The two apparated. When they arrived at their destination, they gaped at their surroundings.  
  
"Uh...Sevvie..." Ronnie started.  
  
"It's not my fault! You were the imaginer person!"  
  
"Oh blame it on me...It's just such a funny thought!"  
  
"Well I'm not gonna bring you back!"  
  
"Severus!"  
  
"We have to teach you a lesson!"  
  
"We?!" Ronnie screeched.  
  
"Er...I" 'Sevvie' stuttered.  
  
(A/N: didja guess yet?!)  
  
Big messup on Ronnie's behalf...uh oh! They're in JAPAN! (A/N: I tricked ya! :P lol! ^-^ read on!  
  
UPDATED: September 16th, 2001 


	8. Japan Is About To Meet A Fate Worse Than...

If Severus Snape Could Fly Part 8  
  
Japan is Now Meeting A Fate Worse Than Godzilla...  
  
"So what'll this lesson be on Sev? A lesson in Japanese would help!!" Ronnie was not very happy...  
  
"I can fly," Snape told Ronnie.  
  
"You can- no you can't! Severus stop being stupid!" Ronnie yelled.  
  
"Here drink this," Snape passed her the bottle that contained the flying potion.  
  
"I'm not drinking that Severus," Ronnie decided.  
  
"Fine!" Sev-agh! Snape I meant! Oops... said as he uncapped it and drank a few mL. He then started to float up.  
  
"Flying potion?! What- where didja get that?"  
  
"I made it," Snape said proudly.  
  
"I'll have some then!" Ronnie reached towards Snape.  
  
"Ah ah ah! You didn't want any before so you get any now!" Snape taunted.  
  
"SEVERUS!!! GIVE IT NOW!!!" Ronnie roared.  
  
"Ok, here!" Snape quickly handed the potion to Ronnie as soon as she gave him those 4 words. The ultimate woman weapon!  
  
"Thanks!" Ronnie gulped a few times then recapped the potion and floated upwards, "here," she passed the bottle back.  
  
"No problem."  
  
Both of them started to float around an alley that looked a lot like the one in Hollywood! There were even some rats playing poker!  
  
"Do happen to have an invisibility cloak on you Ron?" Snape asked as they floated around aimlessly.  
  
"No. I don't tend to keep on around when I'm going for auditions."  
  
"Do you audition often?"  
  
"Ya, I was going to audition for a movie in a while if I didn't get the part in 'A Midsummer Night's Dream'."  
  
"Movie?" Snape asked.  
  
Ronnie spent the next ten minutes explaining what a movie was to Snape. So we'll just fast-forward ten minutes.  
  
"You havn't told me what you do for a living yet," Ronnie told Snape.  
  
"Oh ya! I'm the Potions Master at Hogwarts!"  
  
"How ironic! Hah ha ha! And you always sucked so bad at it! No offence!" Ronnie laughed.  
  
"None taken, what do you do?"  
  
"I'm a part-time actress and a back-up singer for 'The Hex's'" Ronnie said.  
  
"That crap-er that rap group? You?"  
  
Ronnie laughed, "Ya that crappy rap group. Except that they're not all that crappy and it's not rap either!"  
  
(A/N: Think of them as...the magical *N Sync but one that 95% of people like in stead of the 30% or so that really do! LoL! [don't take offence to that if you are an *N Sync fan I was just using that as an example!!] Uh oh that can't mean anything good..lol)  
  
"Oh, well I'm not all that 'down' with the groups these days, it's just that when you hear the kids blasting the 'tunes' at 2 AM you kinda give it a bad rap," Snape explained.  
  
"Hmm maybe we should get off the subject. You're kind of starting to scare me..."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N: Hope you liked that! :)  
  
Disclaimer: Japan belongs to...I dunno...somebody? But not me and Hollywood belongs to the USA. Godzilla belongs to someone with a grudge against Japan. And A Midsummer Nights Dream belongs out of the textbooks and into the theatres! And also to Mr. W Shakespeare. Hogwarts, Apparating, and Snape and any other HP stuff belongs to JK Rowling. And *N Sync belongs to someone with lotsa money in the states.  
  
I own the poker rats! 


	9. Big Big Big and N Sync!

If Severus Snape Could Fly Part 9  
  
Big Big Big and *N Sync  
  
"So, shall we explore the wondrous sites and smells and sounds and such of Japan?" Snape suggested.  
  
"That's a great idea. You seem very insistent about staying Japan Severus! Where to first?" Ronnie asked.  
  
"How about that big building over there?" Snape pointed to a big building.  
  
"Looks like a temple!" Ronnie gushed.  
  
"Maybe it's a restaurant?" Snape licked his lips.  
  
"Hm...I am kind of hungry let's go!"  
  
They stopped flying and skipped merrily over to the temple/restaurant in search of a solid meal. The last thing Snape had eaten (A/N: eaten! not drunken) was the bugs that had been in his teeth while he was on the plane so he was quite hungry! (a/n: also, they skipped quite high because the potion hadn't worn off they couldn't just fly in public!)  
  
"What's that sound?" Snape asked, as they neared the building.  
  
"It's pretty loud, I wonder why no one else seems to noticing it," Ronnie responded, although not with the answer.  
  
"Ahh! Look!" Snape pointed for the second time in five minutes at a big thing. Except this time it was moving, living, and...really, really big.  
  
Ronnie froze, "it's Godzilla!!"  
  
"Who the heck is Godzilla?!" Snape screamed.  
  
"A giant lizard who seems to enjoy wreaking havoc on Japan every once and a while. I think he's done so a few too many times though! These people don't even seem to see him!" Ronnie exclaimed.  
  
"Should we do something?"  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Oh, I don't know...APPARATE MAYBE!?" Snape was close to wetting his robes.  
  
"Well perha-" Ronnie was cut off because that's when Snape grabbed her arm and apparated.  
  
They were somewhere else now. Who knows where? Perhaps we will find out... Yup OK we will! Because a sign with the name of the place they were at was right in front of them! It said: 'Welcome to Transylvania' and pictures of bats were flying around the words.  
  
"Uh-oh...you idiot! Severus why are we in Transyl-freakin'-vania!? We're gonna DIE!" Ronnie spazzed, totally. This was not a good thing.  
  
"I-I I'm sorry, I was to scared to think of where to go!"  
  
"You may want to know that when you apparated to Transylvania out of fear than you end up in the middle of it and you have to get out of it on foot! No purposeful magic can be used! (A/N: meaning, if you said some spell without knowing it than it would work but not if you wanted it to work. Only the magic you don't want to work or don't mean to work works. Kinda like opposites! Y'know, and if you try to use magic than it will backfire!) I doubt there is anyone with fewer brain cells than you Severus Snape!"  
  
Snape cowered next to the sign. He didn't see what Ronnie was staring at because that was behind the sign and he was looking at her and she was looking behind the sign!  
  
"Wh-what are you staring at Ronnie?" Snape whispered.  
  
"I think that I just did unpurposeful magic, Severus. I think I just summoned the people you have fewer brain cells than you!" Ronnie said, looking as if she had seen a ghost...a really interesting ghost. Like if you saw...I dunno Britney Spears after she had been dead for years an' years an' years. That would be interesting...Very odd....  
  
"Well who is them?" Snape asked, not worrying about being grammatically correct.  
  
"They...is *N Sync."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N: Mysterious ending, no? Part 10 will be coming eventually!  
  
UPDATED: September 16th, 2001  
  
D/C: I don't own any HP stuff, *N Sync, B.S., Godzilla or the temple/restaurant which was really a retirement home filled with old people playing bingo and POKER! :) 


End file.
